Dealing with my FUNK

For me, writing is so therapeutic. I love to get my thoughts out in a means where I can write, rewrite, rephrase, and just word vomit sometimes. This is one of those times.

It's no secret to my family that these past 2-3 weeks I have been in a FUNK. The kind of funk where one minute I'm enjoying playing grocery store with Ryleigh and the next minute I am on the verge of yelling that she doesn't need her 8th cup of juice this morning. I've gone through many scenarios of why I am going through this emotional teeter totter. Is it because I'm still adjusting to my new role of being a stay at home mom? Is it that I need the satisfaction that approval from members outside my family appreciate what I have to contribute? Is it the lack of adult interaction? Is it the lack of close friendships that have taken the back burner during this phase of life with 3 young kids demanding my time? Is it a culmination of the different things our family has been through the past 3 years? Is is somehow a combination of all of those things? The bottom line is I'M BROKEN.

I gave up Facebook for Lent in hopes that I would use this time of fasting as what it is meant for. Fasting is the implication of prayer; it is a time of reflection on your relationship with the Lord...to replace our selfish desires with time spent more devoted to a Christ-centered life. So, as I entered this Lent season, I was really excited to rekindle a deep desire and close walk with the Lord that has been inconsistent, to say the least, since Henry came along. Instead, I have replaced my time on Facebook with time on Pinterest. I have done inconsistent quiet times because I decided to do them during nap time. Ha! How rare are the days when both kids are quietly sleeping?! I've been too lazy to wake up early.

The last few days of reflection have brought me to the conclusion that it is time to take positive action against my funk. I will be victorious! The few times that I have devoted to doing my study of Esther, I have gleaned some great insights. Here are my favorites that I am committing to put into action.

1. I am royalty. I am part of the 'crimson bloodline of Christ'.

2. I have been 'placed in my sphere of influence, regardless of the size I perceive it to be, for such a time as this'

3. In Acts 17:26 I learn that God "determined the times set for [us] and the exact places that [we] should live."

So, application?

I will live what the royal blood running through my veins calls me to. I will spend time daily with the Lord. I will choose to be obedient to the calling that the Lord has placed on me, meaning: I will serve my family better as they are my most important sphere of influence. I will also diligently pray for my eyes to be open to the others around me that are part of my ever-growing sphere. Part of that prayer is a little selfish in that I pray that Jeremy and I can find a small group where we both feel completely accepted and that we have something to offer.

So here it goes!